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July 25, 2016

Woman subjected to severe domestic violence by husband needs urgent help

Woman subjected to severe domestic violence by husband needs urgent help

From a blog reader who prefers to be anonymous:

I’m Goodness, the only girl among 4 boys.am pretty too. I met this guy who is older than me with almost 12 years who is presently my husband when I was in my year 2 in the university at the age of 20 through a cousin’s friend and we began talking on phone till he decided to visit me in school and on that day he was dead drunk from a burial he went in his villa. He had close to 600k in his trouser that day and i kept it well and the next morning i gave it to him and he never believed it that a girl he barely know could keep such amount without disappearing with it. Things went on for some months until my IT period when i got where to work in ph which is where he stays too. He insisted i must stay in his house since he is bearly in town.so i aggreed and that was the beginning of my pains. All through my IT period he showed me who he was and never wasted time to beat me when he can. I prayed that my IT could end soon so i could go back to school.little did i know that i was pregnant and 3 months gone before my menstrual flow stopped and I discovered that I was pregnant .he maltreated me right from that day and when I finally made up my mind to go for an abortion it was already late (which am grateful i never did COS thanks to that i have a pretty angel as a daughter)so I decided to tell him and right from that day he showed me who he really was. When his maltreatment became too much I decided to go back to school but due to all those pregnancy wahala and my room mate was always calling him so he decided its better i stay in ph with him while he works on a transcript to uniport so I agreed. All these while my parents never knew i was pregnant and so I couldn’t tell them how he was maltreating me. On the long run we couldn’t hide it any longer and I decided to go n tell my parents that I was pregnant and so he decided to come for introduction which my father refused but after seeing my condition agreed.

I went back living with him and all the maltreatment. sometimes he starves me,flogges me with belt in my condition for little offence such as turning on the generator without his consent .I endured all this thing till i gave birth to my daughter and then my mum came for omogwo yet he kept on with the beating and had little or no respect for my mum .one occasion he came back from work and I went to buy drugs for my daughter who had cough and he came back asking of me my mum told him where I went and when i got home he started beating me my mum rushed out with wrapper tied to her chest and my daughter crying inside to separate us and he went inside brought my daughter out and locked the door and we slept outside that night with my mum half naked. Am I to talk about his late nights or him not coming back at all. My mum couldn’t take it anymore and my uncle advised my mum to leave and she left and even the omugwo things he didn’t do for her.and as she left I continued from where she stopped.before I forget he later came to complete the marriage rites after a 1 year and 6 months when he tried to claim my daughter and found out he can’t cos he wasn’t married to me legally.i refused to the marriage at first but my parents insisted cos they saw it as a cosolation for the shame i brought on them. Sometimes he gives me 500 naira to make food where he goes and spends thousands of naira outside on his girl friends and who am i to complain. I endured this till I decided to go back to school when I found out that the transcript he said he was doing for me was fake. By then I have already lost my admission cos i didn’t defer it.i was back on square one again.i took jamb and post ume and passed in several schools and yet he refused that I will go cos he said the were regular. Any school I got admitted into he always had one reason or the other and this lasted for 2 years and when I realised that if i continued listening to him I will never go to school anymore I decide to buy a part time form in uniport and when he found out he beat me to the extent that i lost my 2 months old pregnancy while he threw my things away and asked me to choose either my marriage to him or my school and ofcourse I chose my school and I left. Our pastor asked me to come and stay with him and his family.the last beating he gave me resulted in the neighbour talking and the landlord giving him a quit notice to pack.thats was how he got another place and came to beg me at the pastors house where i followed him back to his new apartment but what has been happening continued and this time it was taunting me for giving birth to a girl. I prayed earnestly for God to give me a son to shut him up and he did but even to sleep with me was a problem but that’s a story for another day.finally I took in and his beating never stopped. He never slept with me even when i was pregnant and while i delivered. Finally my prayers were answered and I gave birth to a boy. A week after I gave birth he beat me up because I told him I was worried and stressed about my exams that was coming up since I just gave birth. Things became worst I saw him virtually the whole town with his girlfriend to the extent people who knew me thought that he has divorced me that was how bad they were seen every where. But I still stayed . I have tried prayers even to thd ectent that the whole money i have triex savibg ended in prayer houses seeking solutions and right now i have given up on that quest.Now the one killing me is the beating aspect not just because it been long it started but because i have started having life tome scares from the beating in for instance,in March he beat me up and injured me in the eyes and I was given glasses or am i to talk of the one in April which got my right eye damaged only because i went to church with my children and he called but i couldn’t pick cos i was in church and as we closed i called but he didnt pick and when he got back he gave me the beating of my life which got my vitrous damaged. Now I bearly read or drive at night.

The one that got me worried is that he is trying to turn my 4 years old daughter against. By making her disobey me. To make matters worst he brings my children even my son who is 10 months old to come and watch him while he beats me up even if they are sleeping he will go as afar as waking them up to watch. Am scared that my children’s psychology is been damaged little by little. To make matters worst for 5 years I have been with him he has never allowed me to learn a skill or even get a job. I paid for a make up training class he came there and insulted the trainer and even when I went to learn how to fix hair and park bridal hair he beats me up and tares my clothes and refuses me to leave the house .I don’t even have savings and right now I can only afford to rent a self contained with the little money i have saved. Am just done with this marriage. But now the problem is where do i go from here with 2 kids no saving and no skills and yet am still in school. Am a woman who has been through alot of emotional,verbal, and physical abuse by a man who is supposed to love and protect me. My parents has refused to help me cos according to them I brought it upon me. it’s as If their mouth is tied with his money. Pastors has come and adviced yet no change. His family members not even one can talk to him cos he helps them financially. Pls family should I take the money i have and rent an apartment and then wonder? How i about my children would survive or keep waiting and enduring the abuse till i saved enough to leave which I don’t know when that would be. Alot of these domestic violent deaths has got me worried this past few days. Pls i need your advice.

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