This story was sent in by a confused reader:
I am to choose between my 6years relationship and my 10months relationship. The 6years relationship has been a very tough one. He is my first love (We stayed together in Benin before i relocated to Abuja to stay with my Uncle).He is humble,social and fun to be with, although we have our challenges, he is very hot tempered and i am hot tempered as well(nobody to calm one another down that sometimes i end up slapping him and he beats me up,while other times, he just warn me not to try it again).
He is very caring to the core,he is a computer engineer,an OND holder and a yahoo guy as well. He is always there to satisfy me,there is nothing he doesnt give to me except he doesnt have, he changes my phones almost every six months,spends lavishly on me,changes my wardrobe, even his family and friends knows he doesnt joke with me at all and he is really in love with me and i love him too as well. At first,things were a little bit tough between me and his parents,they didn’t like me,the mum complained I’m lazy,i have pride and they also feel I’m dominating the relationship but when they saw that their son is really bent on marrying me,they gave in and things started moving on fine. Some of his friends believe I can’t marry him that I’m only deceiving him. Truly on my side,I have no intention of marrying him but i just keep dating him because i dont want to be changing boyfriends and anytime I tell him I dont think I can marry him he sometimes cry and other times get angry but still does not change his mind on marrying me. The problem with my boyfriend is that he flirts, he womanizes alot and this is always causing issues between us. It was during one of our numerous flirting argument that the new guy came into the picture (Abuja).
I wanted to break up with him but after several pleas,i accepted and we got back together while on the other side i started going out with the new guy. He was keeping me company and all(since we are in the same city). It wasn’t a relationship like that,we just flirted and had s3x like on several occassions. He knows i have a boyfriend cos anytime he calls, i pick his calls in his presence and he doesnt care. Along the line,the new guy started disturbing me that he has fallen in love with me and wants to marry him, he takes me on outings with his friends and he took me to his father’s house,he said he wanted a fling before but now he is in love. Then he started giving me attitude whenever my first love calls and i dont have a choice than to beg and promise i will find a solution to it because am already liking him. My first love noticed i was cheating when i travelled to benin for christmas. He beat the hell out of me and made me swear Unclad with the bible that i wont break up with him. After the incident he begged me again,brought his father and mother to beg, i accepted again and we got back. Now I am having issues with him and the new guy. The new guy is telling me to choose btw him and my first love while my first love is bent on marrying me at all cost,He is really on my neck for marriage now. I dont really love the new guy but i can’t just figure out why i can’t let him go,its not like he spends more money on me compared to my first love although he is more matured in handling issues compared to my first love,he doesnt talk anyhow,he is peaceful,well mannered and we hardly have issues. When i told my elder sisters I am breaking up with my first love, they all stood against it.
They said i must marry him because he has spent a lot on me and morever the relationship is too long that I should stop looking at the bad side that i was not looking at when i was spending all his money and i cant just cut someone that truly loves me like that and all his family members knows me and its dangerous that they might just harm me for wasting their son’s time. They said I should not have kept the relationship that long knowing i cant marry him. Aside that,they said the new guy might just be making empty promises,that i dont know the kind of attitude he might show later. I’m really confused. Marrying my first love is a no go area for me, he isnt the type of father i want for my kids,i still prefer the new guy. I can’t even face my first love to tell him i can’t marry him.Will the new guy not use all this against me later in future? Am I not selfish with my decision? Please help with your advice