From a female blog reader:
I am a 25 year old working class lady, with little side businesses of my own. I am presently in a relationship with a guy a year and some months older, my age grade, and I will say yeah, we love ourselves. Although we started dating after I had a very painful breakup. He helped me get through it. People initially asked me not date him because of his age and the fact that they felt I needed someone older.
But this dude didn’t give up tho, he was there, very loving and all, asked me to build with him. Very difficult considering where I am coming from but after a while I gave in. We have been perfect since 8 months and counting. We have met each other parents and friends. He spends on me even though I earn a lot. We are cool. Very. We are besties.
Now the issue is I have a friend from school who has been asking me out for the past 5 years, while I have been in various relationships, he has been there telling me he loves me and asking me to be with him. That he wants to marry me. I have never felt any form of attraction for him, even when I broke up with my ex he was there, hurt that I didnt give him a chance but still there saying we shld get married. I kept asking why he loves me like this, he says some long ramblings (in a good way). I have had 3 relationships (No sex) and he is still there, I even told him no sex till marriage, he said he is doing same too. I have ignored for months, been rude and all, he is still there. I keep telling him distance would be a factor as I can’t leave my job in Lagos and be a housewife in Osogbo or Ibadan, he said he would get me car to take me to work daily or rent a house for me in Lagos and come home weekends. The car has been his fave choice tho and i pointed out how stressful that would be. I have given thousands of excuses still he stays. He doesn’t even know I am in a relationship now, I couldnt bring myself to tell him, after he almost cried on the phone abt me never giving him a chance during my former relationship.
I do not love this guy, people say go where the love is, but I cant even think of kissing him, not to talk of having sex with him forever and ever. Trust me, I think about sex alot.
Other things I noticed is that just like me, he saves and invest like crazy but he does it more than me to the point I feel he is stingy, when I call him stingykoko, he will say he is not that he is saving for the future, that when he gets married he will be giving allowance and all that shit… I am like cool, but loving and giving starts now.
Another thing, the way he talks can be very off, very localized, stuffs like Ha, I wan marry you, or na me go marry you last last. Most time I feign bad network and end the call, before I vomit. My major ish is the way he talks, not even stinginess, I have my own money. He is well educated, his momsie is a dr and his parents are Chiefs, so he is well educated, his siblings are not like this but his talking is so warrish, i feel like I would die. In all of this, he is a very good man, God fearing and he plans. He has saved money for his kids to be able to afford Harvard, remaining small, he will open trust fund for grand kids. I know abt all his income, finances and businesses.
My ish now is he has been there for long, what if I have been chasing him away and he is actually the one meant for me like my cousin jokingly said. What if he is?
Am I being too picky? He said he wants to get married this year. Its his resolution to do intro and stuffs this year. Been thinking of going with him, but forever :(.
My current boo is young, loves me, says he will be ready finance wise in a year and half but…
I am scared, I am in a dilemma
I am not a bad person, just someone who has had her heart shattered and is trying to be careful
Please post, I know its long, but I will read every advice here, because I need it. Tough love is welcomed.